The 'Rules' of #icq Last update: 11th January 2001

1. Never expect a simple answer to a simple question

a. Never expect a simple answer to a complex question
b. Unless that question is "What is (i+1)(i-1)?"
c. No difficult questions to be directed at anyone who has stated that they feel 'dead'

i Unless otherwise stated, Nobby always feels dead

2. Nobby is always right, but can be wrong to; depending on current mood

a. And so can Rachel

3. All money and chocolate donations go into a central pot and are then shared out at the end of each month in accordance with who's spent the most time online that month.

a. Payment of this money shall be in the form of being told to spend less time on the internet.

4. On joining the regular #icq crowd, each person must undergo the secret initiation ceremony.

a. The actualities of the initiation ceremony shall change according to mood, time of day, number of odd socks being worn by the regulars
b. The regulars who know about the initiation ceremony shall change without notice
c. The ceremony may involve a haddock, some custard, a thistle, a 'double decker' bus and a blindfold
d. The custard is subject to availability and/or hunger of the attendees.
e. It may be possible to avoid the initiation ceremony on the payment of a large bribe

5. Refusing a hug is considered to be Bad Form

a. Especially if it is on the grounds of something as silly as gender stereotypes

i. Anyone differentiating on the basis of gender makes themself liable to get shot by the resident miserable bitch (ie Rachel)

6. Refusing Green Liquid is considered Bad Form

a. Drinking Green Liquid is considered suicide
b. Quietly disposing of Green Liquid is considered a Very Good Thing To Do

i. Just don't let Nobby catch you doing it

7. Dodging of walri is considered Bad Form

a. Anyone caught doing so will be subjected to more walri
b. Walri are guided so it's pointless anyway
c. Walri should be hugged too

i. Because marine mamals have feelings too
ii. The same hugging rules for humans also apply for walrii

d. A walrus is for life, not just for missile weaponry

8. Anyone caught saying anything deliberately offensive will be walrused

a. Anyone taking offense when none is meant and refusing to see the funny side will be dugonged
b. Anyone being a Randy NetGeek will be Hamsturr Rayed

i. Persistent netgeeks will be kicked
ii. Further persistence will result in being kicked out of the room
iii. Or maybe even banned

c. General geeking is okay though.

i. Within reason
ii. Physics is reason enough

9. If you ask for ops you won't get it

a. If you don't then you probably won't either

10. New rules will only be added on the agreement of the Rules Cabal.

a. There is no Rules Cabal
b. You still have to get their agreement before a new rule is added

11. You should learn these rules and be able to quote them when asked too

a. Being able to quote them without being asked will be seen as a sign as geekyness

i. And *not* the good kind either

12. It's Martin's fault.

a. He probably won't take the blame, though.

i. But don't let this stop you.

13. Sarcasm is *always* tonight's specialty

a. Unless it's pedantry

i. And it usually is